Eloise (2017)

Rated R
Try pairing with:  Taco-Stuffed Poblanos

Jen’s Rating:  D

It was one of those nights where you’re simply exhausted from a long week and all you want to do is lounge with a pizza and the remote.  After reviewing the guide and everything that was on DVR we came up empty. UGH! I stumbled across Eloise.  By the images on the movie poster, I assumed it was going to be like the Disney version but with a horror twist.  I was only half right. Eloise is a horror film.  However, it had nothing to do with a child living in a penthouse in New York City.

Insane asylum films are classic in the horror film genre so how could we go wrong.  The movie started out slow with the lack of zest.  Chace Crawford plays Jacob, a struggling young adult on the verge of bankruptcy, then he learns that he can potentially inherit his estranged deceased fathers fortune with the death certificate of the only other relative.   After he turns up empty trying to achieve his aunt’s death certificate from the archives of Eloise Asylum, he collaborates with his friend Dell played by Brandon T. Jackson for help.  The duo enlists the help of mentally deficient man Scott Carter, played by P.J. Byrnes, who wanders the non-operational asylum in his spare time.  A worried Pia Carter, played by Eliza Dushku, tags along because of her brother Scott’s disability.

The four break into the Eloise late at night for a low risk of being caught. By the middle of the movie, Eloise seemed like the typical haunted insane asylum film.  Eloise still lacked the excitement and anticipation to draw me in. You know, the kind of movie that you could use the powder room without pausing it.

Just then, the last 10 minutes of the movie, I get hooked.  Finally, the movie showed a spark of the great potential it could’ve been.  Eloise haunted Jacob, Pia and Scott’s past leaving you wonder if it was fate or destiny that brought them together for this voyage.  Before the ending of the movie I wanted to give Eloise an F, however the ending had such an interesting twist that it pulled Eloise up a grade to a D. Eloise was an actual insane asylum and is one of the most haunted places in the United States. This movie did not live up to its potential. It seemed as if the writers had the ending but could not think of an engaging beginning or middle.

Jeremy’s Rating:  F

When we started watching I was mildly excited.  I could tell that it wasn’t going to be a premier class horror film, but it had some names in it I had heard before, and it piqued my interest by taking place in an asylum.  Interestingly enough, the beginning of the film, although a little cheesy, wasn’t that bad.  Jacob (Chace Crawford) discovers that he is set to inherit a sizable amount of money and potentially a company from his family’s estate, but the only thing standing in the way is the requirement of proof that he is the sole-surviving heir in the family.  This is how we end up at Eloise!  A semi-abandoned psychiatric hospital in Michigan, Eloise is an actual place and there are many ghost stories and tales of strange happenings there.  This only increased my interest further, but little did I know that I was going to be severely disappointed.

Jacob enlists the help of Scott (P.J. Byrne) a local man who seems to suffer from either autism or Asperger’s and his sister Pia (Eliza Dushku) to get him into the locked-down and shut-down section of Eloise where the archives are located.  Of course his Aunt’s documents are located in the scary, broken-down, haunted part of the asylum, where else would they be?  As they begin their journey into the hospital, things start to fall apart.  The effects used are no so bad until you see the CGI that they incorporated, assumedly to save on the budget, while hopefully still proving a quality result… It didn’t.  The plot also began to drag at this point and despite the attempted scares, the film became incredibly boring, enough so that I even found myself falling asleep momentarily and waking myself up to only be bored and fall asleep again.

The hospital itself begins to take control and the film really goes off its rails at this point.  Despite the F rating I am garnishing this with, I do not want to ruin the ending for any of you who decide to still watch it.  Just know that the ending is not good, beyond cliché, and will leave you pissed off that you spent an hour and a half of your life watching it.  Sorry Eloise, you failed.  Better luck next time, or not.  Yeah.  It’d be better not to make another one.

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